This is a companion post to the video Degradation Review, where I watch and comment on my most degrading scenes so far. Go check it out if you havent!
It’s no secret that there are many people who get off on being degraded – myself included. But what is it about getting called a whore or being forced to lick piss from the floor that gets me hot and bothered? Do I hate myself? Am I broken in some way?
Not at all! It’s perfectly fine and healthy to have a degradation/humiliation fetish, and I for one decided long ago to leave shame at the bedroom door and go with what feels good. As for where it comes from, I have a some idea…
I started having sex about halfway through high school, learning the ropes from one short-term boyfriend to the next as most teenagers do. It wasn’t bad per se – actually most of it was quite nice, respectful and pleasurable if a bit akward. That’s when I met Flint (not his real name), a slightly older guy and right away things stepped up a notch or three.
Flint was *rough* in bed. Getting slapped, pushed around, fucked hard and fast etc. – all very new experiences for me, and totally out of my narrow comfort zone.
I could easily have hated it and told him to slow down and back off… I almost did. But the words never came out. The needle fell the other way for me. This was my spark, my doorway into the blissful world of submission… I loved it! Instead of resisting I would instinctively let go, feel his dominance wash over me, become his plaything, his doll… there is something so HOT about feeling owned and powerless to go anywhere. Such intensity and pleasure… it made all the other times I had sex feel like halfhearted rehearsals.
I can trace many of my sexual turn-ons to such sparks along the way, moments where something surprising or risky or taboo happens during sex (or elsewhere) and awakens something in me I didn’t know existed. Was it always there and I just didn’t know it? Could it have gone the other way, like a roll of the dice? Who knows!
Long story short, he became my first long-term boyfriend and we had a great run. But nothing lasts forever, and a few years of awesome sex sadly gave way to several more years of loving but boring sex with the next boyfriends. I timidly tried to introduce rougher acts and Dom/sub themes a few times with moderate success, but it’s not the same if it doesn’t come naturally to the guy. It felt manufactured, far removed from the visceral high that you get from someone who truly loves dominating.
The sex gods smile upon me
And then I met Bruce! Just as dominant and intense as that gateway boyfriend, but with a twist: a bit less being thrown around, a lot more being degraded and humiliated.
Drinking piss. Wearing a dog leash. Making me yell “fuck me like a piece of meat” while he pumps in and out of me and spits on my face. And you know what? It triggers the same chords, makes me vibrate with submission the same way as rough sex with Flint did… perhaps even more so!
Because the thing with submission is that it doesn’t exist in a vacuum: you have to submit to something to feel it. Submitting to Flint meant going into ragdoll mode and letting him use me (fun but easy), but submitting to Bruce means obeying his every commands… and he keeps coming up with new ones! One day he makes me lick his piss from the toilet seat while I bark like a dog, the next he rips my costume and fucks my face right in front of the door on halloween night… I never know what’s coming. He’s constantly pushing my limits and I feel 100% under his spell, right on the edge of not being able to finish one of his tasks but pushing through out of complete submission. And it feels GLORIOUS.
So that’s my (simplified) sexual origin story: rough sex put me in touch with my inner submissiveness early on, and Bruce’s ways connected into that perfectly. While some people are into degradation/humiliation as a standalone fetish, my love for it takes its power from a deep desire to submit to my sexual partner, and be “forced” to do things for their amusement. That means that being called a slut by a stranger on the internet really does nothing for me (wink wink nudge nudge).
While it can look like self-hatred to the uninitiated, degradation is paradoxically all about pleasure for me. The blind obedience to any dirty thing that passes through Bruce’s mind puts me in a sort of trance, a “letting go” that is both sexually intoxicating and yet also incredibly relaxing at the same time. There is no responsability, no planning… I. Just. Obey. Every time I watch myself and think “I can’t believe I’m actually doing that!” a flood of feel-good hormones is released instead of the shame you’d expect, and afterwards we both feel great, bonded, satisfied.
So if you’re someone who enjoys behind degraded, or enjoys degrading your sexual partner: you are not broken! As long as everybody involved has a good time and comes out of it feeling happy, what’s the harm? I truly believe the world would be a better place if more people lived out their power imbalance fantasy in the bedroom instead of taking it out in the real world in the form of inequality, mysogyny etc.
There’s a lot more to say on the topic but I’ll leave that for future blog posts 😉
– Morgan xx